At the beginning of December 2010, I discovered that I was pregnant again. We were already blessed to have a daughter; Megan aged five, and our angel Baby Katie was born in April 2010. Over the next few weeks, we told no one. Too scared that something could go wrong we kept putting off telling people. Hit with feeling sick all day, I managed to put on an act, although a few close friends had already guessed that I was pregnant. Ironically, one of the first people I told was my secretary as she became concerned at how “peaky” I was looking!
Throughout this time, we continued to see our SPRING counsellor, Cindy which helped to keep us sane. Having a counsellor who is experienced in baby loss is so important as they truly understand what you are going through. In particular, we found scans very stressful. Katie had a fatal abnormality which was picked up at 16 weeks. Sitting in the waiting room with other expectant mums was hard. All around us were people excited about their pregnancies, in their own little world, naive that sometimes things do go wrong. When we eventually told Megan, she was excited but also concerned that this baby would die too. One day, Megan came home from school with a picture on which she had written “I hope this baby is born alive.” Our midwife spent lots of time listening to the heartbeat so that Megan was reassured.
During my pregnancy, we continued to attend SPRING meetings. I was worried how other people would react when they knew I was pregnant, but then I discovered that many of the other members were pregnant again too, which helped as we could talk about how we were feeling. People that attend SPRING understand in a way that others can’t.
Baby Jacob Elijah Knight was born on 13 August 2011. Some days I look at him and can’t quite believe that he is ours. Megan is a fantastic big sister and very helpful. We realise that we are very lucky to have two beautiful children, but will never forget our angel baby Katie. Our experiences have led to us becoming members of the SPRING Core Group in the hope that we can support this much valued charity and help others who find themselves in similar sad situations.