‘We didn’t sleep that night for tears. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make…’
My story goes back to September 2006. My husband had previously had a vasectomy reversal and I felt our chances of having our own baby together were very slim, but in April 2006 the two lines appeared on my pregnancy test.
We were so happy. The 12 week scan day soon arrived and we saw our baby on the screen for the first time. It was amazing. After the scan, as everything seemed to be ok, we started buying things for our much-wanted baby. We decided not to find out the sex so we only bought neutral colour clothes and a moses basket. Time flew by and the appointment confirmation letter for our 20 week scan soon dropped on the doormat. Unfortunately my husband was on jury service so Poole Hospital rebooked our appointment, so I’d be 23 weeks at the time of my scan. I could feel our baby moving about and never had a concern at all. The day arrived; we were so excited and after another discussion decided against finding out the sex of our baby.
I remember this day as clear as yesterday. The sonographer was measuring all the limbs, etc and I was so happy to see our baby again. Then all of a sudden she said, ‘ I need a second opinion’. She disappeared and I asked my husband what was happening. He knew something was wrong and held my hand. A consultant entered the room and confirmed our darling baby had Spinabifida. I screamed ‘No! Please no!’
We were lead to a side room and comforted by a wonderful midwife named Jackie. She was amazing, but I felt dizzy and sick. We went home and broke the devastating news to our family. It was horrific. I could still feel our baby kicking me. I was an emotional wreck. My husband wanted a second opinion so he called Poole Hospital the following morning. He was told we only had a week to decide what to do.
That day we drove to Princess Anne Hospital, Southampton where it was confirmed by a consultant and a doctor that our little boy would sadly have no quality of life and would never walk as the hole in his lower back was very big. I was in a daze, but the opinions were explained. If we went ahead with the pregnancy our son would have a clamp on his brain at birth and have operation after operation.
We didn’t sleep that night for tears. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make, but we decided to end the pregnancy. We had to call St. Mary’s Maternity Unit, Poole and my treatment started the next day. We went to the SPRING suite and I was given medication. I then had to return to the maternity unit the following day and I was scanned in the same scan room where we first received the horrific news of our son’s illness. My darling son’s heart had stopped. I sobbed and sobbed and was inconsolable. My daring son had gone.
The following day we arrived back at the SPRING suite and my labour was induced. It was the worst moment I have ever experienced. Our baby boy was born on Friday 22nd of September 2006 born at 11.55 pm. Jac was baptised and we spent short but precious time with him. I had to say goodbye and leave the hospital without my precious baby.
It was awful to see his tiny white coffin at his funeral. I didn’t want to say goodbye again.
The next few weeks and months were extremely hard, but I fell pregnant again. After being under a consultant and having numerous scans, I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. I’ve since had two more babies and my family is now complete. SPRING has been an amazing support to our family and we don’t know how we would have got through without them.
We will never forget you Jac xx